It all started Monday when I was walking to school. I went to hang my bag up on my shiny hook. I stared outside into the wet rain but then there was a scrunching noise coming from the trees there was nothing I still was staring outside.
HELP! It was there cry of a human being then a tree was on fire and another and another it was soon a bush fire I went outside to see the blazing fire. Oh my I said this is a really really bad plane crash what in the world brought down the plane a wired thing flew up in the air. It breathed out hot red fire over the grass I yelled was it a dragon?
Wow Kelsey, there is lots of writing before we even hear about the dragon. You tried hard to build up the fear and draw us into the story.
ReplyDeleteChallenge:
Read those sentences out loud. Many of them would be better and build tension by using simple sentences.
Team Judge